Showing posts from 2012

test of the day

Psalm 31
In thee, O LORD, do I put my trust; let me never be ashamed: deliver me in thy righteousness. 

Bow down thine ear to me; deliver me speedily: be thou my strong rock, for an house of defence to save me. 

For thou art my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name's sake lead me, and guide me. 

Pull me out of the net that they have laid privily for me: for thou art my strength. 

Into thine hand I commit my spirit: thou hast redeemed me, O LORD God of truth. 

I have hated them that regard lying vanities: but I trust in the LORD. 

I will be glad and rejoice in thy mercy: for thou hast considered my trouble; thou hast known my soul in adversities; 

And hast not shut me up into the hand of the enemy: thou hast set my feet in a large room. 

Have mercy upon me, O LORD, for I am in trouble: mine eye is consumed with grief, yea, my soul and my belly. 

For my life is spent with grief, and my years with sighing: my strength faileth because of mine iniquity, and my bones are consumed. 
I was a …

Enjoy Life

Singing and dancing in the rain. One of the things that i just have to do, before i meet my heavenly maker. Oh that and enjoy life fully. What can be fixed will, and what can't, oh well, time for everything under the sun and then we sleep. Peace and Love!!

Resilient Echoes

And then...

English: Goatling sucks mother's udder Русский: Козлёнок сосёт материнское вымя (Photo credit: Wikipedia) There comes a time in life when all you want to do is scream bloody murder. Past present future, non of it matters when that particular moment sucks up you air and stifles you. Of course such moments eventually gives way to blissful anger and fed-up-ness (yes i just made up a word, because i can) And other times in life you get so tired, that you just don't care anymore. Some of us go through those phases a lot faster than others, but so be it. Each adventure is a task, one that at the end of time when you look into the abyss you can say, HELL YEAH! that was me!

The reason why i have a goat pic? Because i can, that simple. Oh and the face looks completely bad a$$. He's drinking his milk and the rest of the world could do whatever it likes. Sometimes, that's what it's all about, peace, relaxation and drinking some milk.


Personal Hoodie by JannetHold
Design a unique photo shirt online at Zazzle.

The River's Deathly Call

Coconut's Water, Soothing Blend

For life or not?

so much goes on in ones head it almost baffles the mind. Ever wonder what it'd be like to have a higher created existence? Or to have a way to escape every day drudgery. I know life is what you make of it, but sometimes i wish someone would do something to make it a tad bit more entertaining.

3 weeks en counting.

Wowwy a whole new game on. been 3 weeks and a day since off paxil! It's been rough and it continues to be rough, but that's life is it not. Challenges and difficulties where made to be overcome.
Sometimes i don't feel all that brave at all, it feels like an endless loop, one that refuses to slow down or come to an end, but eventually that ride either has to change or stop. Eternity comes into perspective once you stop looking at it. Time flies by when you stop thinking about it, and life holds meaning once yous top forcing the issue. As life become difficult or more challenging I look within myself instead of finding more things to blame. My outlook on life has a defeating or defending attitude, depends on how I look at it. Regardless, the path I've chosen isn't the easy one. I can no longer take a little pill to dull the senses, i know have to face the world with eyes open and emotions raw. But i will always remember these words, that come in handy over and over a…

Short story

A river's deathly call is over at my Triond page. Check it out.

Quote of the day

Difficulties where made to be overcome.

new poem update

new poem in poetry section today.

fav quote of the day

the trouble with "an eye for an eye" is that everyone ends up

Text of the day

5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart;And lean not unto thine own understanding.6 In all thy ways acknowledge him,And he shall direct thy paths.

Text of the day

<<Psalm 56 >>
King James Version1<> Be merciful unto me, O God: for man would swallow me up; he fighting daily oppresseth me.2Mine enemies would daily swallow me up: for they be many that fight against me, O thou most High.
3What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.
4In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me.
5Every day they wrest my words: all their thoughts are against me for evil.
6They gather themselves together, they hide themselves, they mark my steps, when they wait for my soul.
7Shall they escape by iniquity? in thine anger cast down the people, O God.
8Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?
9When I cry unto thee, then shall mine enemies turn back: this I know; for God is for me.
10In God will I praise his word: in the LORD will I praise his word.
11In God have I put my trust: I will not be afraid what man can do unto me.
12Thy vows are upon me, O God: I will …


Enough self pity life goes on. Past is the past, lets move forward.  Starting on one of my books now. -.- characters giving me attitude. grrr

Inside you

I think we need a place where we can just yell and scream to our hearts content. Each and everyone of us. For me, that place is in a pillow. Just screaming and yelling at it until i'm to tired or have run out of breath. It works a little that's for sure.
Day four paxil free, or is day five... not sure. I know i'm not suffering as badly as some of my other paxil WD suffers. God be with us all. I sincerely hope a day of retribution and justice comes for the people responsible of putting this kind of poison in us and our children. Seriously, is money really all that important?

What does it look like?

Anxiety (Photo credit: Rima Xaros)
Amazing how a man who only saw me for fifteen minutes could prescribe a life alternating drug so callously. Amazing how one pill could start me down a road of sorrow, pain, confusion anger and resentment. Wait one second! Weren't these the things that it was suppose to fix? Why was it getting worse? But psychiatrists are smart. ( Especially when their pay check is online.) I mourn the loss of not finding out the true extent and dangers I'd have to face, but I’m becoming stronger for it. Now I'll understand my anxiety and try to work with it instead of try to stifle it with a pill that causes it to get worse. Even as I write this now, the effects are swimming through me. And at times I almost want to give in and put it back in. But then I'd be in the same useless situation I was in before. So yes, I'll feel sick, and hurt and angry and anxious and deal with all the withdrawal symptoms the pill has to offer. But when I do survive, I can s…

Making a Killing: The Untold Story of Psychotropic Drugging - Full Movie...


list below

list below was blogs i found interesting  yes i know that there's a section for that. (frankly i got to lazy) sooo here they are (`ー´)

Gifts and Men

Gifts and Men: by

Alyssa’s Birthday at Splash Westin

Alyssa’s Birthday at Splash Westin: by

Cigars For The Manly Man

Cigars For The Manly Man: by

Enjoy Unlimited Facebook from Smart

Enjoy Unlimited Facebook from Smart: by

Changing shape, shaping change: how schools can...

Changing shape, shaping change: how schools can...: by



Eating Breakfast in Italy

Eating Breakfast in Italy: by

Moving In and Moving On.

Moving In and Moving On.: by

Diving in Kakaban Island

Diving in Kakaban Island: by

Getting back what's lost

Finding my soul. Calling it back. Give it back to me, what I lack. Do you have any idea, how much I’m suffering? All because you’re new car was buffering? Does it matter to you that I can’t sleep? Or that every day I just weep? Do you even care that my mind is not my own? Or is it all you care that your money is not dethroned. I hope you see hell, for what you did to me. I hope you ****ing die for all eternity. I hope you get stabbed in the face with a rusty needle. And the blood burns acid into your brain. Have you any idea what this drug is doing to me? Please just give me back my sanity! Enjoy your money, you hungry co-prate money grubbing hogs. And may God show you the same mercy you showed on us.

Day on_wards

Today was one of the crappiest ever. Will start a journal on paxil withdrawal  Who ever made this drug should be shot, drawn and quartered!

New design

Whew redesigned the blog.
 hmm looking good, if i do say so myself (•‿•)
Now on to more writing! (✌゚∀゚)☞


Added a short excerpt in the short story sections, from my new series-in-the-making (New Beginning'z' )

From the first story (prequel) The Awakening.


My very own designed cup. Great for that special someone ;)
Love Mug by JannetHold
Design a mug online at Zazzle.


English: 19th century Burmese temple painting. Tempura-like paint on cotton. 47” x 35” (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Alone. Sealed in stone; a vile of blood drenched clothes. Ragged worn, torn at the seams they tell a story. Not uncommon to life itself, words of suffering from a person that held none at all. Life has given her one of its thrashings. Soulless eyes look out, blank and void, not even the pain of Tartarus suffices. It pours from the womb, a black coating that envelops the innocence of a heart and rips it asunder. A broken mirror is all that is left to tell the tale. Her eyes cry clear liquid as it melts her flesh. My eyes cry crimson as it builds it.

Caribbean fruit section:

Golden-apple, the properties : Golden apple, Pomme cythere, (Spondias dulcis,) or whatever name you would be interested in calling it; it is a fruit like no other. Tropical in nature, this gorgeous creation is high in fiber, vitamin c and iron. Golden apple is a tasty snack and can be eaten ripe or green. The fruit can be made into many different delicious recipes (stews, juices, soups, jelly’s or an everyday snack just by added salt, pepper or both to the green fruit.)  When ripe it takes on a golden color and is fleshy sweet with a slightly sour taste. Eat with gusto, but be careful while nearing the end. The seed is prickly and to the unsuspecting can hurt. If eaten with care though, even the seed cannot spoil the juicy experience. The fiber content is good for controlling appetites (high fiber fills the body and makes you feel full, thus helping stop overeating). As a result it is a good food source in the battle against bulge. Fiber also helps against constipation and golden apple m…

List of adventure!

Hello, hello, hello, it’s that time again.
 A time when I loosen my hair from its ponytail, dive my brain into research and come up with the weekly: List of adventure!
Today’s list:
5 Food sources that help tighten skin.
Free radicals damage collagen, dehydrate skin and are just a pain in the butt for healthy skin all around.
As if a person didn't have enough to worry about in losing weight, or ageing, now we have to worry about sagging skin! ( >.<) atrocious.
So what is a poor helpless person to do? Luckily there are many things and ways to help.
Surgery & chemicals: though  in some way fixes the problem, they can also cause problems of their own.
Personally I prefer the natural way, might take longer, but unless a person has serious allergies, it is the safer, healthy way.  (And in some cases cheaper!)
Here are five ways to help you along the path to tighter, healthier skin.

Antioxidants:  A driving enemy, tough against the free radical effect.Vitamin C:  Gotta love those

2 kill 4 profit.

so let me get this straight. Marjorie diehl armstrong, asks her fishing buddy to kill her father. He demands money for this but she's broke so comes up with the brilliant scheme to rob a bank. She tells her boyfriend and kills him because he has a brain and is smart. And decides to go through with the elaborate plan of holding up a bank with a human bomb. Her idea. Rob the bank, get the money, pay off the fishing buddy to kill daddy dearest. (for his own money) .... Kills boyfriend...goes through with bank scheme, blows up poor pizza guy...still doesn't have money to pay to kill father. ..... Kills boyfriend...wants to hire fishing buddy for a lot of money so he could kill her father. ... does anyone see the stupidity here? Who hires someone to kill? Some who is afraid to kill, or don't want to get caught. But she already killed, very easily. Why not just kill the father yourself? ....oh well her stupidity still made for an interesting read. It's really sad what hap…

Short Excerpts:

The short story excerpts are from my very own stories. I hold them close and dear to me. I hope you enjoy reading as much as i enjoyed writing.

Series : The Beginning'z'
The Awakening:
“Alice, wake up!” I turned over. ALICE!” “WHAT?” “Wake up; we have to pack, NOW!” Eyebrows knitted together I glared up at my twenty four year old cousin. “What the hell is wrong with you Rita, I have the day off today remember?” “That’s not the problem, here take this, pack a bag, only your essentials, we need to move now.” Confused, I watched her dash out my bedroom door. “…The hell?” Yawning I pushed the duffel to a side and rose from my queen sized bed. “Damn I’m so tired” I stretched “…what time is it?” Frowning I tapped my kitty alarm clock. 12:05 am blinked in frozen status.   “That can’t be right.” I fumbled through my vanity draws, “where is it?”, and pushed through woolen blankets on the bed. “Arghh where is it!” Getting up from my knees I yelled out the door. “ Rita have you seen …

Wearing a dress.

When I was five I  adamantly decided, against my mothers wishes, to being a girl.
My reason?  We already had one girl, why not let me be a boy?
Of course that argument took on a life of it's own as I grew older. Fluffy frills, barbie dolls, pink dresses, hair accessories...  the works.
 And for all her efforts, I remained steadfast in my avid view, that boy's toys and clothes where better.
I enjoyed playing with water pistols and remote control cars, so why couldn't I receive such gifts during Xmas and birthdays?
Alas, no matter how hard I pushed my reasoning, I  always got the dreaded "shudder"female things.
Now as an adult I must admit...things haven't really changed. I still enjoy a good blood bath movie, added with delightful gore and intense mind games. I can still pick up a water pistol in glee and throw stones with the best of them. I never gained the hang of climbing coconut tree's, but I can still play in the dirt with my pets.
That being said, I also g…

Ramblings of a lost mind.

Your heart is beating, slowly ever faster. Each sound vibrates within your ear louder and louder until all you can hear is the crying of your own soul. No one understands you. Not your family, not your friends not your neighbors or church members. The mirage in front of you is cracked in the middle, so your face is distorted to a view that only few can understand.  What is this thing called life? A transient butterfly, formulated for only a brief moment. Cocooned in a vast ignorance of morphed tranquility. You bring it to your lips. you only need to swallow. But at what price? What price must you continuously lose your humanity.  Humanity? that is a question isn't it? Repulsive, faded wretched bushels of tears, blood and sweat. The only thing by which a person’s worth now revised into green. Paper green. Is for this we have sold our souls? In the end what do redeem ourselves from? Questions, questions only questions, from a rabid mind. You bring it to your lips, yes...but do you swa…
Short note: For my lovely visitors and fans, to the right of my blog is a wonderful widget i got from Trinod. Check out the posts. (poems and articles) and more to come.

River side

It is peaceful. Art created by his hands. Tentatively shaped and morphed. a silent evolution of the grand design, paled in no other way but by mans destruction. Yet not even man can stop nature when it's ready to move. Every time i visit this place, it soothes my heart. (the sun might be hot) but the water is cool and inviting. A nice picnic or family outing on the sands, can make this or any other "good weather day" complete. The ocean is a tad bit to dangerous to swim in (the currant is to strong) but the river next to it, is perfect for a refreshing swim and exercise. (just be careful the fish don't bite ;) )


A new day has begun and I have entered the world of blogging. Dear lord help us. I feel like a babe in a new world. Grant it, it's also terribly exciting. I can post...well just about anything. My own public diary and forum to speak my mind and shoot out creativity from my finger tips. Let the games begin!